I have NOTHING to say !!!

Even though talking is something that I do well, it appears that I have nothing to say. Maybe it is not that easy to write, actually it shouldn't be. Bloggers are accused of spilling there every day nonsense onto the rest of the world and yet here it is a blog with no readers and there are probably thousands if not millions of the same kind. Technology makes it possible to be a writer, a graphics designer, a music composer or even an artist of some sort, but that doesn't mean that you would be any good. Point and case this very blog and all that it holds in it. Not that I'm supposed to care what people want to know about me or what I have done. It is just that I feel like I have failed not just to write on the web, but also in real life. I couldn't fill a personal journal for more than a few days.

Things seldom look and are as we expect them to be. We are born into a world that we mostly underestimate, we look at those who came before us and say "I can do that better". We dream BIG, bigger than anyone, we believe that the world will be different because of us. But as we progress through life our underestimation gets more accurate and we see life for what it really is and what we really can achieve. As we learn and grow, our dreams shrink and we settle for what is possible, what those who came before told us is enough.

I guess the lesson we have to learn from that is, "We can be happy, without achieving all our dreams". But then again this is just a bloggers dribble.

Infront the GATE

Cairo Airport .... Waiting ..... STILLL waitng ....
But this time it is the good kind of waiting. A "wait" with some and some more hope that something is to come.
To quote Damien Rice (A singer) : "May you be satisfied to never know ... why? "
Three hole month of trying and failing and trying and failing some more and more until you wish that it would be better if they just told you that nothing can be done. But still they give you hope so that you return .... and fail ! This was my state dealing with the army release papers. Not important what that problem was, it was just the thing, the obstacle that kept me from leaving and that was literally going to ruin ... well a lot.

Returning to "May you be satisfied to never know ... why?" why ? Why did I go through all that? Why was it necessary? ... At the time I didn't know .... I'm not sure I know why even now ... But I can try none the less.

Think I have to start with physical and touchable change .... hmmm .... lost a month of my studies .... NO ... Being under constant stress .... that could be preparing for what comes, unless we believe in the medical research ..... So higher blood pressure .... heart problems ..... NO ..... that isn't it ....

Again may "May I be satisfied to not know why? "

Well no physical then ... So what have I learned .... To much paper work is never good .... NO .... that can't be it .... NO .... I have learned so, so much more than that .... I have learned that I have made friends and have a family in Egypt that I can't forget .... I learned that this will always be the place where I have spent my childhood ..... I have learned that while I can move on, I can't forget where I have been ... That my family and friends will always be there no matter how far I am and how much is between .... This was, still is and will always be my country .... And the biggest lesson of all "Al7amdollah ..... Al7amdollah no matter where what or how you are?"

So thanks to all who have taught me one of the greatest lessons I will ever learn .... Thanks to my father .. little brother ... family .... friends and .... well I guess thanks to the .. army ...

"May I be satisfied to always remember"

16 years Egypt ... !!!

It is hard for me more than anyone around to believe it ... I have been living in Egypt now for more than or maybe exactly for 16 years ... Sixteen YEARS ... again ... SIXteen years ... wait a second ... hmmm ... 1993 that gives 7 years in 20th century ... 2009 means 9 years . ... yes it is true 16 ... sixteen years ...

The reason why this is so hard to believe is the art and way things have come to an end. Seldom are the moments one gets to take a looong look at everything that has been. To take a step back and take in everything and everyone that was. So many moment I thougth would never pass, so many things that I didn't want to pass.

It is really difficult to grasp all the things that went by for me to be here. It is really hard to put all things together.
But none the less for my sake and my aparently fadeing memory ... let me just remember ... may be not everthing ... but just those good/bad moments ... those nice/strange instances in those sixTEEN years.

So ... here it goes ............

NOW what?

Have you ever woke up with the feeling that something needs to be done? .... Something you should do right now but you just can't .... find .... what should I do now .... there must be something that I should do ... there must be ....
The biggest disappointment is when you find out later .... probably after breaking your skull ... that there is nothing that you had ... should ... would ... or could do .

That was my state of mind the next day of my final exam on my final year. The day that was market with the question : WHAT NOW?
For the past five years I have been waking up knowing where? ... what? ... how? ... and when? I should do. But now here I am. Nothing to do, or may be something to do but I just can't find out WHAT? ....

Anyhow when I get the answer to all the above, I will tell you ... better yet ... I will tell ME ... !!!!

Things that are going to, can or will happen?

Here is one of the things I thought of writing about in a DB train going from Salzburg to Stuttgart... That happened with my friend Hussein sitting just across me, who probably thought I was finishing my thesis that I had to present a few days later ....

Anyway .....
Things that are going to, can or will happen? is exactly that... in better words my vision of the future put in hopefully a funny context to show that all those things that we wait for... might not be that fun in the end .....

Excuse, me where should I put my thoughts...!!!
___________________________________________________

Thoughts on paper ... or better said thoughts as digital data …

Would you like that? ... For us to actually store all your thoughts on a simple chip. If your wondering if this is possible?... wonder no more.. cause it is... You see ever since that so called "SynChronous system" has been invented, something like a decade ago, by who I don't really care, we have been able to, not only process but also store tons of info… many of which I'm sorry to say are drastically useless … but the mode or may I say the style of the 22nd century has been "If we can, we should."… which is actually the logo of that company doing it…

But let me first continue with my proposal… we will put a few props on your brain and it won't hurt ... much... they will then scan your brain and for a while will give us the correct thoughts that should be stored, those are later send to our storing facility for safe keeping. So if you for instant wanted to know if you were thinking of eating a burger or some potato, you will be able to simply access your data through our free connections.

Now as for the rights to keep the data stored beyond your death, that will cost extra and maybe should be discussed with your relatives who will eventually have the right to know, what was on your mind. But we would urge you to think this one over, cause you wouldn't want a deep conversation that you had with your son or wife to be turned into a quest to know what you thought at the moment you had it, just to discover that you were hungry and in no mode to talk or that you wanted urgently to go to the bathroom and almost had nothing else on mind.

Other than that you can have a lot of problems solved, example is a student, who can start a project and all he needs to do is to simply scroll back his thoughts when time comes for him to write his report. But of course he must be very careful what he writes, nobody want sentences like, "what the hell is in my coffee to appear in his or her final presentation".

Are you convinced well try it and you … might not regret it ….

A look inside .... !

hmmm ....

How can I start?

Believe it or not this has been something bugging me for the past years, ever since I activated this blog. You see, the problem relies solely on how "you" the reader receive this .... that is itself a problem, specially that I have seen this action more than once, lots of people, with emphasis on lots, have blogs, all whom for a while I mistook for being artists, literature readers and writers, those who present what they see cause they want to show what they know.... bla really .... most of them just long for attention, awaiting anxiously comments that praise their work ... but don't get me wrong on that last point, bloggers are still doing a good job in connecting and informing the world, at least they aren't getting any money for it and hopefully have no political agenda to fulfill...

Apparently I strayed away form the issue... The problem with longing for attention is simple, "When you write for someones approval you might tend to bend your thoughts to get it.".

So back to the question, "How to start?",
Every time I want to write about something, I tend to get lost in the thought of people who are going to read my post. Something that obviously distorted my chain of thought, influenced my doubts and increased my fear, the greatest of all fear of being REJECTED.
Believe it or not, I had lots of good ideas to start this blog. One about writing what happened with my car, a story that is both funny and meaningful, but it wasn't to be. Another idea is writing about future ads that have purpose to teach us that what we want might not always be the thing that we want, which you can see why it didn't work. I will not bore you with ideas that are .... well either trivial or failed attempts to an imaginary attention.

Now, let me tell you this as clear as possible.... "This is not a blog, for anyone to read."
This is simply my ideas to myself, explained by it being nothing to show anyone... It is my work directed at an audience of one ... ME .... but before you might get the idea that I'm sort of a self centered person, let me clarify that these are simply my thoughts, something that in itself is categorized as a conversation with yourself.
My idea is therefore simple, get some of my conversations out of my head and address them to me .... That way I can enjoy my writing, without being bugged with the thought of ACCEPTANCE, because me will always accept me, me will always like and respect my ideas and me will hopefully always read what I wrote............

So the next time you read the word "YOU" know that it in fact isn't you, but "ME", or at least the "Audience ME". A thought that would itself have needed explanation, if the audience, depicted in me, didn't already understand my idea.

Yet, just in case that "you", was actually a "you", that isn't me. "I would kindly ask you to take a place at the back of the room, THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO START."

PS: sanity might not be included.